Why you must listen to body talk? Lock onto someone across the room and try to read them. Without being able ear them or read their lips, can you tell what emotion they are feeling? Are they frustrated and annoyed, or radiating joy? It’s easier to guesstimate what they are feeling than you might think!
Listen to his body talk, You must by master of this language
It turns out that most of the communication we convey to others is non-verbally through our body language, and not that much actually depends on the words that come out of our mouths. It is how other people can tell what you were feeling, are feeling, and will feel in the future… and how there’s a good chance that you can tell what that random stranger across the room is feeling.
Without even knowing it, you use so much more than just your words to get your message across, which sometimes results in your sending a message far different from your intended one. These secondary signals can often be 100% unconscious and escape your awareness completely.
This is obviously a losing proposition, given the gravity of some of the conversations that life throws our way.
The tone of your voice, facial expressions, how you move your hands, and certain body language signals can send people a message that may or may not support the words coming out of your mouth.
What if you did this in an important interview, or when you were proposing to the love of your life?
“Melissa, will you marry me?”
“Oh… you were serious? You used such a sarcastic tone of voice…”
Body language is a comprehensive collection of unspoken signals that you send out with your body non-verbally. Maybe it’s just your habit or particular way of nodding your head.
People may not realize the signals, but they will read them regardless… and if you don’t learn how to send congruent signals, people can and will pass judgment on you.
And there’s a good chance that judgment will be incorrect!
It’s a good idea to understand why body language is important so you can take steps to actively monitor and control your figure language. At the very least, you should be aware of the body language signals you are sending out so you can prevent yourself from sending out the wrong signals.
This chapter is a long and complex way of saying that effective communicators know all of these subtle body language signals, and can control their own with expert discipline. In fact, they go out of their way to ensure that all of their secondary body language signals are exactly consistent with the spirit, meaning, and purpose of the words coming out of their mouths.
They will never send out mixed messages, and what you see and hear is what you get with them. If you want to be able to communicate more effectively to benefit your relationships and career, you need to master body language.
How much did the actual words coming out of our mouths account for? A mere 7%, with vocal tone and inflection checking in at 38%.
This is a startling realization, but not one that should alarm you. Professor Mehrabian made two additional discoveries about body language.
First, that much of body language was universal throughout the world and its varying cultures… and even the animal kingdom as displayed in apes and monkeys.
Second, that much of body language was also innate, as shown in blind people exhibiting many of the same gestures and body language signals that sighted people do.
So even if 55% of our communications are unconscious physical gestures and body language signals, most of us have a decent baseline in our non-verbal communication skills because many are simply innate to human nature.
But a baseline is just a baseline, and simply remaining at a baseline level of skill isn’t the focus of this book or the reason you’re reading it. Unlike rules of conduct and courtesy, we’re never really taught much about the world of body language and just how to navigate it successfully to do two things:
(1) read between the lines of what people are actually saying, and
(2) send out accurate messages with our own figure language.
Sometimes these body language signals are just an automatic response when we have nothing else to say, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
However, it’s extremely worthwhile to examine what some of these everyday body language signals can mean to others, and how we can bulletproof them to ensure that you are sending the correct message. You don’t want to put yourself in a position where you’re saying one thing, but your figure language signals are saying the opposite.
You’d be surprised as to how many people fail to get that dream job because they are unaware of the figure language signals that they are sending out. You might be less surprised at how many people miss out on developing a relationship with someone special because of misinterpreted body language signals after all, flirting is all one intentionally yellow light.
Baking: Valrhona Dark Chocolate Pistoles
Paying attention to these common body language quirks will make you a better communicator, hands down. It’s more than a matter of aligning your verbal and non-verbal messages it’s delving into how these signals can be misinterpreted by others and completely undermine your character or people’s perception of you.